at nine, some fool took me to see Friday the 13th. but there was communal childcare very often in the community i lived in, and not all parents were old or wise, i’m sure, and it was the 1970s, on top of that (perhaps early 80s?). whatever the case was, that movie etched its horrible self into my imagination for a long time. to this day (and i’m not saying it’s because of this, tho the sentence sounds that way, and who knows, maybe it is related) i don’t care for massive gore as a main driver of any horror flick. i’d much rather you fuck with my mind, than with my stomach.

I love Horror because like Science Fiction (which of course, often overlaps with Horror), it travels to the extreme of human experience or imagination. i understand that margin. something about this extremeness and intensity makes sense to me, having lived my life. It is in Horror stories that you will find so much pathos, so much feeling, that you will provoke the real motivations and agendas from characters. where truth is forced into the open, be it ugly or beautiful. Where the veneer of civilization falls away.

i like Horror for the moral center that the films usually have. it’s a critical element of Horror that there be some moral lesson in there. i am not saying i care for all morals that are to be found in Horror films. but i like that this is what they are about, at heart. you betrayed someone, someone betrayed you, someone stole knowledge, someone broke an oath, someone violated some taboo or rule or ethical line. in some way, something was broken, stolen, violated, or neglected. and the universe now conspires to atone for that. humans are taught drastic lessons. of course you might easily find a film that contradicts this, but this is an integral part of Horror as a genre. this is exactly why so many moral and cautionary tales told to children have historically been gruesome and scary. same animal.

Horror has to overstep boundaries to be Horror in the first place. I like that. It’s a good catalyst for excitement. You can’t have a story where characters have a bland arc, or “nothing much happens.” if you go wrong as a Horror writer, you can go very, very wrong. What is that saying? Bad horror becomes comedy and bad comedy, horror ? Something like that. But you can also be poetic with Horror. You can be vague, like dreams are, like the corners of the mind can be. You can scoop out big parts and leave them full of questions and just that can be horrific if they are the right questions at the right time.

And you can tell otherworldly stories. Topics like multiple lives, reincarnation, deep (radical) questions about identity, extreme tragedy. After all, in this world, there are times when a human must bear what is absolutely unbearable. And what then? What then, when the immovable object meets the inexorable force? Then, horror.

Of course a “Horror” film can take many shapes. There are the ones you’d expect, the movies listed as Horror (The Fly, Halloween, Psycho, Friday the 13th series, Nightmare on Elm Street, The Deaths of Ian Stone, The Voice, The Wig, The Grudge and so on and so on). I can’t even say those are my absolute favorite. Many of the self-proclaimed Horror films are extremely cheap and cheesy.

But there are also stories maybe listed as Drama or Action that I personally think of as Horror films. Films like Memento, Old Boy, and Adaptation, for example. In this latter category, the overall structure or methods used by the film may exclude it from a “Horror” designation, but the overall conclusion, or the path of the protagonist merits the label—again, to me.

Adaptation for example. IMDB lists it first and foremost as a “Comedy,” and then as a Crime and Drama film. But to me, the lead character’s awakenings were, ultimately, horrific. What an arc. It makes the soul ache to see her grasp so earnestly, to fall so far. To end up in a place where reasonable expectations lead to Hell. And yet, this arc is very much part of the common human experience. The kind we paper over in our minds and memories. Adaptation as Comedy? Okay, parts are pretty funny. The twin thing. A Crime flick, yup. Technically inarguable. But more specifically and salient to the point, it is a Horror film’s job to tell such a story. A story that reveals the truth that beauty, revelation, and freedom can be a flower petal’s width away from emptiness, degradation, and harrowing loss. For that is a horrible truth, indeed.

And not a place we want to dwell for a long time. I don’t. But that is a very important story for human beings. That’s also why I love Horror. It’s biggest weakness is probably how often it is exploited by those who want to turn a quick buck, as it is a genre that has a pretty good return even for a low budget. But the Horror genre, nonetheless, remains a vehicle where very important stories pretty much demand to be told.

been doing some remembering, reflecting. it goes hand in hand with flipping through photo albums, scanning old family movies, inputting old tapes of college days, or milestone birthdays. and i’ve been looking through a stack of tapes that haven’t seen light of day for over a decade. this few minutes is from 1998, when i lived on the 29th floor in the Financial District, or more accurately, the Seaport district of Lower Manhattan. it was pretty close to the World Trade Center, and in fact, i often used the sight of those towers to navigate my way around the area. they were reference points you knew would remain consistent.

this embedded clip below is me and three friends on the set of our friend/classmate’s film. it’s frank’s film, the cat who unlocks the door and talks to that receding woman in what reminds me of a sort of bergmanesque shot. him all superforeground. he was a real smart and talented guy and i’m sure he’s doing music videos or commercials or indies or more by now.

all in all, this was an amazing year, and the great thing about film and video is that when you push play, you’re right back there.

finally, this clip should really be at the theater. but i’m too busy to give it the full treatment. just trying to input these videos here and there, before bed, between jobs, when i get a minute. but you can expect to see more clips from these days soon.

mostly i’m amazed it’s over a decade ago.

with a special smile and thought for a friend’s mother, whose is remembered on this day.