guess it’s just this being tired again that’s creeping up on me. and the tirednesss grows large and drowns out the rewards at moments and i realize i’m just spending money and not making any and going home to bills…and i say “why am i doing this again”?

which means i should stop writing and edit. or just go to bed. i guess that’s part of the dilemma. i’d like to go to bed at this point. but i purposely came back home to edit. however, a reader of UMX and resident of St. Paul was kind enough to swing by and take me out to (italian) dinner. which was deliciouso. however, a glass of pinot noir and a full belly of chicken parmesan and i’m ready to crash. hooboy. 

typing on my roommate’s (“hotelmate’s”?) laptop, so let me go. one more full day and then a plane. and then? some serious chillout.

i’ve had a spider bite on my stomach since sleeping in la quinta in denver. it still itches. damn spider venom has some serious staying power.

got some real good footage today, fun stuff. hope to have a few youtubes up tomorrow. plan on taking it easy, as far as running around.

i’m real glad kenneth cole productions and culturekitchen.com thought my work worth the plane tickets and the hotel costs and such. KCP has been cool about letting me post what my experience is without editing or altering it. it would be nice in time if i got paid for what i do instead of just costs, but for now, this is all right. i’ve had one hell of an experience…yeah. i am very grateful. denver was totally different than minneapolis is, and i’m going to hold on to that one for a while. here i’m just trying not to get jailed or tear gassed or anything. the city is very strange. it feels like Police rule the streets here. i’ve got footage and pics of the New World Order here in MN. basically feels like martial law is going to erupt in full force any second. 

at this point, i just want to be in my little studio, want to hold and play with mi querida lunita, and i want to chill. no more planes for a little bit. no more late late nights. i’m tired. and a little sad. but hey. asi es la vida, qué no? if anything i know about me is that i dont stay in one place too long. so i’m sure before you know it i’ll be past this. two more days. 

meanwhile, time for sleep. time for dreaming.

she’s speaking in oregon, and as the trusty mtv street team memba fur oregon i must do my duty. and for any secret service freaks or other red-eyed, internet-poring, fear and security obsessed maniacs who think someone might actually plan an assassination and blog about it ahead of time, of course i mean “shoot” as in “film,” but not film, so “tape” or “videotape.” 

i smell coffee. time to pour it.

you haven’t read my multi-page recounting of how terribly the obama event started for me, which you might be surprised to hear, viewing the video(s). it worked out, but it was definitely not an ideal scenario. more on that later. i wrote a long blog on it with lots of groovy stills from the footage which will post monday, i’m guessing, on the think.mtv site. 

this time i’m packing up ahead of time (which means i have to go very soon) so that i’m not only fresh in all those wonderful american ways we are so used to, but also so that i KNOW i have all my batteries, backup batteries, tapes, cameras, FOOD, mics, cables and SO on!

don’t know what type of footage i’ll get. don’t know what type of crowd she’ll draw. clearly not anything like obama’s if she’s showing up at a couple high-school gymnasiums! but i will do my best to capture good footage and make a good video, even though i am personally rooting for obama. it’s just a matter of professional pride. 

okay, peace. more later.

still deep in the edit, deep in the mix. was supposed to have this piece uploaded early this morning. gah. i hate this. i slipped all out of whack a week or three ago and i’m still playing catchup. i wish she had never emailed me in the first place. wish i hadn’t answered. wish luke wasn’t right, all those years ago.

tomorrow a photographer is going to venture into my messy studio room to shoot a portrait of meh for a soon to be released neztastic article in the local newspaper. i’m laying lots of traps for him as we speak. i’ll teach you to read MY blog!

can’t reveal what my  new mtv vlog is on except to say DON’T TASE ME BRO and now i gotta roll

this developer said that he’s not a designer because his well of creativity dries when he is under pressure and i thought thats funny, thats the opposite of me. i dont really like pressure, but until the deadline gets really close to me, i dont feel much impulse to move. and then when time gets really tight, i bust out crazy and hot and wild and slam the job home aplomb wushu style. but this weekend is tight by any definition. like a clam, another one said add another twenty to that, please, and i’m happy as a….open, yes, open, wet and...” clam, tight as a drum. an oceanic rhythm, a moon dripping sun. hey, we’ve floated past the breakers, we’re vortex of the swum, i see we’ve escaped the makers, it’s clear they’re on the run…

…illos. that’s what i was saying before the baking clam scent yanked my neck left. need to do three things this weekend. shoot my vlog for MTV and do two logos for a PAC group, and finish this lot of about 20 high-quality glyph/illos for a book. that’s a lot all together. man.

did i tell you, my little MLK vid (i seem to default to calling it this as much as i feel it is not “just” about “MLK” but i guess its easiest) was featured on the Brian Lehrer Live show? it’s not Oprah, but still! that is very cool! a friend told me about it, she was on the show, is sending me a copy of the tape. i don’t see it on the podcast list…she said they liked it.
and i have an acting job for next week. cool. it’s an educational video being shot, and i’m not playing a thug! …it was very interesting in film school, seeing the different roles my peers would cast me in. mark basically cast me as a fictionalized version of myself; s. cast me as some fantastical, magical, demonic, Boy From the Upstairs Apartment; Ari cast me as a street tuff dragging a woman into an alley, Luke cast me as some Cheshire on a Toadstool-Meets-Obi-Wan character; and the European students cast me as an Angel and a victim of a party of Vampires. interesting that the american students more often cast me for negative types, while the european students cast me as either benevolent or neutral/vanquished/victimized. not a big enough sample to make much of it. but interesting. oh, in this script for next week, i play a teacher.

lots to do tho, today and tomorrow. next week very busy too. time to eat now. i may be away for a few. business contacts please email info[a]xolagrafik[d]com, friends if you need me please ring me. i will probably have to shut down my email app while i work. it tends to serenade me with aquatic missives when i’m not expecting it. the undercurrents are fierce.

super exhausted. like ridiculously so. have a stack of releases to fax that are like a half inch thick.

i suppose i should just go to bed soon, and then wake up superearly to do all that. has to be faxed in and uploaded by seven am my time.  sd doon sd i hry yhif i get up at four, that’s…not enough. i need to bounce this, and its fairly long, tho in bounds. it could take a while. but i can’t bounce it down until i spellcheck and fact check these titles. which my mind is no good for now.

this isnt helping.

as soon as i upload this video and forms, i have to get on those illustrations for mazatlán

- don’t assume because you heard it in your ears that it is on tape.

- don’t let people start speaking in interviews until your sound dials are up to speed. even if its hectic. ask them a question you dont as you fiddle them up quick. name, maybe. theyll print it on release anyway.

- even when you are excited, remember to stay calm in your speaking to subject of interview. less experienced interviewees will pick up on the pace and it may make them feel rushed or lead to them feeling anxious, even if you sound completely happy and positive.

- when at an event, get the voice recorder out and plant it. get the recorder out and PLANT IT. a shotgun mic will fade out the speaker as you get reaction shots and inserts, even if you keep tape running all the time, the sound will not be good. the recorder will allow you to grab any piece of the speech you want. i’m kicking myself on this one big time.

- next time, bring cards!!!

- don’t develop pimples on the top of your spine when you are lugging a heavy pack on your back across town. or maybe one leads to the other but MAN.

- even tho its not comfortable, let the frame rest on a subject’s face when they are done speaking in interview, or at end of question for a moment. don’t edit in camera by pulling away when you think you’ve had enough time, when it coems to timing shots length or length of pauses REMEMBER: time passes faster on tape than it does in life. you can always speak to them from behind camera (“well, i think that was a good take” or “that was a great answer,” anything at all really) and then cut your voice out…but if you whip away too quick, it will be very awkward in post.

in which i congratulate and encourage myself:

– people seemed to be responsive and open, and you even eventually eased that mother’s worries completely by responding to every instance of her concern (even unspoken facial instances) with a positive energy and open responses (offering to “give up” and retract her two sons’ footage if she wanted, showing her my ID, explaining what the purpose of all the signing is; not balking, defending, demanding in any way shape or form)

- remember that asking people to fill out a form and show ID can feel intrusive and as if you are assuming command (you are). remember that having a camera and the affiliation of big corporations is already a power. remember that bringing a power upon someone without staying aware of how the dynamics play out (light person/dark person, male/female, well-spoken/not well-spoken) can stack up on this power dynamic. you want your subjects feeling empowered, and not under the gun. good job on staying aware today.

- N. enlisted herself as an informal 1st AD/P.A. simply due to interest in the project and belief in an engaged citizenry and the event’s purpose. (only in herding people, finding food, so no Blanket Authorization of Ownership needed, MTV, chill!) remember to thank her. this is an in to a segment of the community, and you are now a node of news communication in this person’s mind. IF you follow up.

- Having all footage digitized by Monday night is not being ahead of the game. This is, in fact, the latest you want to push it. It leaves one full day (a max of about 30 hours if needed) for editing and getting release forms ready to fax. That’s not a lot. But it’s enough. Barely.

- Remain spontaneous. Just as in when interviewing you must be ready to follow the thread a subject wants to follow to find the hidden gold, also in doc filmmaking, you must be ready to hop out of the car at a moment’s notice and chase a march or rally or activity into unknown parts, to let yourself recede from center stage and be a particle on a wave, to be an open and uncharged conduit ready to channel the fate of the day. Good job on that ayer.

and now—all grandparents are gone. my mother called me today and told me. i may have mentioned to one or two of you. the cancer my nana had. seems like it crept up fast. the last couple days it got worse…my mother said nana told her no, she wasn’t suffering…but she “wasn’t happy.” if you knew nana, that means a lot. so, she decided to die. and that’s nana. strong spirit. strong as ten motherfuckers. i know she’d rather go than become something other than she’s always been. i have a lot of memories of her, and she was special to me. more on that later.

peace.

allright—may 3 is la fiesta, then. mark it, vat@s! it’s a saturday dropped down perfectly between may 1 (mayday) and el cinco de mayo (may 5), and so good energy is wrapped allllll ’round it (plus it’s right after Kevin’s bday, can’t lose). there are numerous hotel/motel/lodges nearby, as we are in eugene, oregon, one of the well-populated and hip towns that exists in oregon (one of the two?), not to mention this is a university town. while my home is not big (just an apartment), the livingroom is relatively large, and if anyone needs to crash out there, they are welcome. i think there’s plenty of room for whomevah shows up, there’s even some room on my outside benches to chill (parties are best anyway when you can drift around a little), but if in the event we get enough peeples showing up that we are cramped, we’ll take it out into the town. there’s my favorite mexican joint which has tables outside, there’s a fantastic bar and grill place (with, of course, veggie dishes), there’s really no lack of places we can take it. and i’ll know by then how many to expect, i’m sure. SO. right on. it will be a combo birthday (only gift i want you to bring is ya badself!)/spring/takin-the-blog-crew-into 3D fiesta.

so i’ve really finally begun to shift my life in some ways, to this new gig. shift the room and such, the living space.

room decor has changed. actually moved two guitars, so that tells you a lot. took them down and put up my videojournalist gear in its place. opposite that, i’ve got a giant corkboard, a big calendar on the wall, a map of oregon, and i spent a while putting up these two sturdy shelves. all my gear from tripod dolly to sound recorder to hi-8 to blackbag is up there (not that i have much use for a blackbag anymore, a light-tight black tent you change film reels in or work with photo-sensitive material). lav mics and videotapes and a zip-up little accordian jobbie for all my release forms. i’ve got to run one of the fones in here and maybe even the fax, but that’s it. i have to decide if i want to give up the blue armchair and just push it totally into the functional. if so, a table for the fax and phone gear.

and tomorrow’s the first real day i’m going to hit the bricks and try this thing out on the fly. the cold is mostly hanging out in my lungs, so that’s good, it’s out of my head. i wish it would leave altogether, but it’s manageable, i think. so i think i’m gonna hoof it around the university and random sample people there, and on the way there…and then walk around town proper and see who fate directs me to. it’s wide open. i’m going to have to design a few different versions of gear. heavy, light and medium. tomorrow will be a good test. what can i walk around with. be like a soldier, weighted down, but very deliberately and carefully and efficiently weighted down.

for tomorrow:

•  scan pages again to get the story and facts solid. bring print out.

• assemble light mobile shooting kit. make sure to bring as many release forms as possible, especially for people. just in case.

• call university and other contacts about [-----] story, get interview, hopefully for today, even something quick. or try!

•  write list of questions, even if i don’t get to each one, be familiar with a basic line of questioning.

• hit the bricks! if you talk to people and have the time, hit them up with questions for more than one topic. might as well have them weigh in on first two project topics, who knows where the gold will be? remember that in the areas in which you choose to travel. go as wide as you can to get good samples. make the very first step simply signing the release.

•  pick up ink.

• print out cards or have cards made. need something for quick contacts. very important that i have something to hand to people and that they can hold on to. especially those who have no cell phone to plug info into.

• come home and digitize footage. decide if another day is needed.

• don’t mistake the due day this time. it’s wednesday. wednesday. 7 am.

oh, and tonight,

• check batteries, charge if necessary.

it all still feels a bit trippy. but i better get used to it quickly. and i’m sure that after tomorrow, it will begin to feel less fantastic. after i’ve had a solid day of being Señor Public Citizen Journalist. get a system down, or begin to.

i can see this turnaround is going to be very fast. one week is not much. but if you think of it in TV terms, it is nothing. in TV news people turn a story around on a dime. complete with snazzy graphics package and new soundtrack. so this is, again, in this nether area. an experiment! in more than one way.

well. here we go. in the great unknown.