journal notes, thursday
a month and a half later and my foot is still not healed yet. not that i’m complaining…it definitely is healing, and it’s way better than it was. and soon it will be better. i guess i’m just a bit curious, or fascinated, because i’ve never had an injury like this before. and hell, anything new is at least a little exciting. the toes aren’t purple anymore (that went away a couple weeks ago), but my second toe is still swollen. yeah! all this time later it’s still not down to regular size. that’s what i mean! it’s taking its time to get better. but i’m guessing i tore up those tendons, or muscles, or whatever keeps the toe strapped in, pretty good. i can walk fine now, but i haven’t even tried to kick a pad since the injury. and if i pivot too much on the ball of my foot, or try to jump off it a lot (like a right leg jumping front kick), it begins to hurt. in a way that is deep inside the foot. that’s how i can tell i did some serious damage to the soft tissue. the type of pain is not common to the types of injuries i’m used to. but it improves every day. today was the first day i could pick up something with my toes (it was a napkin on the floor), and i know that’s improvement because i’ve approached it earlier, and backed off because even trying to flex my toes like that inspired that same, deep, weeping-type ache in my foot.
as i began to worry a little about getting too out of shape (when i say this i don’t necessarily or just mean gaining weight), i started stretching more. i try to stretch every day, even when i’m not working out. nothing formal. just some hamstring stretches. also my hips. i really like to stretch all the big muscles that hold my hip bones and stuff in place.
our tkd demo team has evolved now into a season-based outfit. which makes sense. tryouts, judges, seasons. the season has just ended, and now i’ll have a month or two away from demo team. which is odd! but a break will be welcome, no doubt. the last two demos i was not participating, only working camera. which was interesting. it also helped me realize i still wanna be on the team and perform. because i like performing. and it reminded me of the issues i began having in new york city, when i was shooting films on the indie and student circuit: i don’t want my job and life to involve showcasing other people who are doing things that i’d rather be doing (truth is i like acting more than shooting actors). that’s just torture. i mean it wasn’t bad this time, because i know it’s temporary. nor was i considering shooting the team if i wasn’t taking part. but that’s what hit me as i was doing it. and i guess it hit me in the form of appreciation for what i am normally doing on the team. performing! practicing, drilling, improving, struggling and celebrating with the team. not being off to the side and capturing the team. although i think that’s a damn good pursuit, a noble one, and a needed one. it’s just not my thing.
i’m 2 weeks until i get paid (um, until i pay myself, that is) and that will be welcome. the move really drained the coffers. still, all is cool. but it’s funny how used to paying everything on time and filling the fridge at a moment’s notice, or dropping loot for a good bottle. suddenly, things get thin again and you’re like “oh yeah…i remember this!” but at least you know how to manage it. and again–much easier to take when temporary. also, i knew this was gonna happen, but there wasn’t much choice. and it was totally worth it. every day i am still awed by being here rather than where i was.
i’m a bit frustrated on the cleaning and unpacking thing tho! or i’m reassessing, i ought to say. it’s happening much slower than i imagined. the garage is full of stuff. most of it needs to be put away into the house. bookshelf (huge one), dresser, and i’m not really sure those are gonna work in here, but we’ll try to bring them in and see what fits. and then a bunch of boxes. i really, really, reallllly want to get that stuff put away. i haven’t been able to get at my kicking bag at all.
patience. the need is always there.