the work

weapons training camp was intense. camping in the woods of florence, on the coast of oregon. up at 5:30 and in formation by 6 am. blistering, exhausting, intense days of staff and sword training. i was limping home by the end of it. everything on my body was chafed, my back and arms were so sore i could hardly move them. my hands were leaking blisters, and my hands were bruised from rolling a staff over the backs of them repeatedly. i came home, took a long, hot shower and fell into bed. water and food by my side. i didn’t move for ten hours, only watched movies. then i slept. it was really a great experience with about 15 other students of the dojang, and great grandmaster lee. additionally, i needed at least one seminar as one of my qualifications for testing in march for my black belt. so now i’ve got that checked off. but aside from that, it was just a great time. there’s a snapshot in my mind of doing poomsae on the beach as this fiery sun rose up at dawn, and long, warm rays washed over all of us and the movements of our forms and the ocean…i don’t think i’ll ever forget those moments.

the demo team gets tighter and tighter. we just finished doing the Eugene Celebration weekend with one demo on friday and one on saturday.  the run-up to it was pretty intense. i’m not sure i’ve seen master lee get so intense on his expectations and critique of our routines and technique. for one thing, that’s because the eugene celebration is a big deal in the area, and when the school is on display in such a way, we want to make sure we represent well.

another thing is just that the demo team is made of all black belts and chodanbo, so it’s all upper belts, and that’s in addition to the fact that we are the school’s demo team! that is, our purpose is to demonstrate technique as best as we are able, show off the teachings of our master, as well as help recruit new members by doing so. you don’t get much slack in such a position.

anyway, it’s been a great (and challenging) journey so far with the team. i really enjoy the stepped-up drilling, the extra training, the expectations to shine, and the fellowship. there are times it exhausts you, times it demands a whole lot, but when it pays off, man it’s pretty great.

goodbye grace period

i felt it begin once i became brown belt, and had moved beyond the intermediate belt levels and was tiptoeing into the echelons of the upper colored belt ranks: that closer scrutiny by master lee; that gradual loss of invisibility; the additional responsibilities; the raising of expectations that appears, full blown once you are ChoDanBo (rank before 1st Dan/Black). you are now expected to show that you can behave like a black belt even as you undertake the final training that will bring you to the level of black belt proficiency.

one of the things i most respect about great grand master lee is his artistry at teaching. at evaluating exactly where a person is in their journey. how he can tell immediately what a person is currently capable of handling, if a person has prior training, when you are about to drop, when it’s time to teach the fundamentals vs the advanced, what the next piece in your own puzzle happens to be, and how to give you just what you need and in the way you will best absorb and benefit from it. he doesn’t teach the same thing, over and over, to all people. each person will get what they need. when they need it, when they are ready for it. he’s like a chef with seven pots on the stove, adding just a pinch of that, lowering the heat here, turning it up there, quickly chopping some scallions and tossing them in to one, sniffing another, dancing about in an unfathomable pattern that somehow weaves together perfectly to bring about excellence on many levels.

and if you are devoted and show up a lot, and stay late to help grow the dojang, or come on weekends to help paint or clean up, and come early to class and train, you will get another level of engagement with him. sure, he will teach competently to everyone. but if your heart is in it and you back that up with effort, there is reward. sometimes that reward will simply be extra time, or lessons from him as he shares information with you, or tips on your poomsae or technique. sometimes it will be that he enlists you in a trusted “right hand man” type of role for one task or event or another. sometimes it means he takes you a bit more seriously as a practitioner. if anything, that will mean he is less forgiving of your sloppiness! because that—to the person serious about self improvement—is a gift. especially once you bear down and make more effort, and it bears fruit. it’s sort of a funny dynamic. as if the harder you try, the harder he is on you. which makes perfect sense.

i think of marlon brando, an amazing actor, who once talked about his method of dealing with directors. he said he would do two takes. one would be “phoning it in”—going through the motions. the other take would be him putting his heart into the role; baring his soul. if the director couldn’t tell the difference, brando wouldn’t waste his time and energy any further in such hands. he’d phone in the whole performance. when master lee takes the time to get on your case about something you aren’t doing as well as he thinks you can, that means he is taking your effort and ability seriously.

i think after this last demo was the most praise i can remember getting from master lee on something. that was my jumping reverse turning kick. and he has been relentless on critiquing that! i’ve been hammering it out for the last couple months or so, and he’s never let up. correcting me every time, cutting my demo breaking routine of any extras until i improved that kick, calling me out even when i’m training by myself on the dummy. in front of everyone! sometimes that stings a little. i mean, not in any lasting way. but like my homie with the military background says, everyone is being broken down and built back up in the dojang, whether they know it or not.

and, it turns out, that kick is one of his favorites—one of his “babies,” as another friend informed me one night when we were chilling. “ah,” i said, feeling i had a better understanding of everything suddenly. of course he is especially critical of how it is demonstrated at shows. and he has, indeed, been all over me about it. i’ve tried hard to get it right. i’ll tell ya…i remember both times this last pair of demos when i was standing there in sparring stance, ready to jump, staring at that board rio was holding. i was focusing my energy on that board so hard i think i almost saw smoke tendrils start to climb out of it! master lee finished talking to the audience about what breaking was for and why we do it and then he began to introduce the series of breaks that we were all poised to pull off. my break would begin the chain reaction. somehow, that position notches the pressure up even more.

i was in stance, eyes fixed on that board when i heard him…ready…jumping reverse turning kick…BEGIN! i yelled my roar of intention, of focus, of warning, and then i was in the air…

after the show was all over, he was making his way around the room. when he got to me, he smiled and said “good job. your kick looked good.” i said thank you and bowed deeply. coming from master lee, that is something akin to applause. or at least feels like it. you shouldn’t expect it much.

anyway, i’ll continue my notes. yeah, sometimes i feel a little silly writing this stuff out at length. these days, it’s simply the work showing itself. or not.