it takes time

not really a “feel good” day at TKD today. in fact, today was filled with moments that were hardly stellar. but i’m not being pollyanna or false in the least when i say that there were valuable lessons in all areas, so in the end it was a very good day. just not a “feel good” day and oh well about that. hey! let me make it clear! there’s a lot of pain in this path! to me, it is worth it.

well, the first lesson. good job, mister, for taking the sweaty dobok out of the backpack as soon as you get home and soaking in the steel bowl with a tiny bit of detergent. but you can’t let it sit for two days. because THEN you may end up wearing a damp dobok to class that smells like mildew. and oooh how fun that will be, especially when the black belt with the long blonde hair leans over your shoulder to correct your stance. mmm. sniff that in, baby. i’ll grow on you. literally.

don’t get me wrong. i’m joking. sex is the last thing on your mind in the dojang, the last thing on my mind. but when you are steaming with a scent that makes you fall out of love with your SELF, then you begin to think those sorts of thoughts. so BAH. okay. never again. bring home, wash right away. or at least when you wash, dry right away. but i will tell you, i take such good care of that dobok. it is precious to me.

in general and in fact, the purest and rawest of my intention and heart can be found when i practice martial arts or handle those things which are part and parcel of the art. i brook not a single shortcut. and when i hung up my dobok top to dry in the doorway, and the wind moved it against the dirty screen to leave dirt on a few creases, i got the soapy sponge and washed the whole damn screen door. and then i refreshed the sponge and washed off the dirt from my dobok. i’ve done that every time it’s fallen on the ground while drying, or in any way gotten dirty when i was putting it through the cleaning process.

so today was humiliating in a way that’s hard to express. people get close to you. the hold your feet while you do so many sit ups you are moaning and can’t go on. all the air that rushes through your dobok and along your body will blow over them. that’s why you stay clean and neat when you train. toenails to dobok to hair to skin. you respect yourself and your friends who train with you.

so yeah. not happy about that! but…trust that from now on, a rigorous dobok cleaning regimen will be observed.

and you know? that’s very much part of what martial arts are about. respect, discipline, not getting lax.

so she commented to me, too, again, on being too tense. grrr! again! new instructor. i guess i still need to make progress on that. the only thing i can think of to do is to have patience with everything i do. i’m not gonna obsess on it. because, hey. obsessing on something is NOT the way to relax. obviously.

today i reminded myself of that quote from winston churchill. I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.

i was so happy with remembering Taegeuk Sam Jang, as i said in a recent post. literally doing rocky poses and runs around my house. or something. so i get to class and now the instructor is fine tuning my Poomsae and of course i’m totally respectful (it’s sort of like being in the military…when any higher rank is instructing you, you always say “Yes, Ma’am!” or “Thank you, Sir!” and so on. i don’t know about the military, but i know in martial arts, you really feel that respect you are required to voice. because you KNOW how damn hard you sweat to earn where you are. so if they have a higher rank, you know they sweated even more. period. respecting them is respecting yourself.) so, i’m respectful, but inside i’m sorta like a child. all annoyed that i’m being corrected! but that’s the next step, once you remember all the moves! it’s fine tuning them! i wrote that in my last post! oh, hypocrisy, how eloquent you wax.

but when i’m there, i’m all business. i am only there to better learn and perfect my art. and that’s why i listened to her and said thank you. because her tips were helpful.

i watch videos of different black belts performing poomsae/forms. i want to see what acceptable variance is allowed between their individual versions of the form. even if minute. when i’ve seen enough, i will know how much a person can apply their own personal style to the traditional form.

today i slowed down Sam Jang. a lot. i wanted to put to use the things she had told me. you have to be careful when training. you are teaching yourself to memorize so deeply that you will not have to think any more. and your body will do something on auto. and not robotically. but passionately. and true to teachings. so i slowed way down (now that i remember all the moves) and really thought about what i was doing. rear foot,90º. land softly, then two fast punches. pivot on right foot back to joonbe position.

also, annoyed with myself for not being able to do 30 sit ups and have to hear the red belt goad me to finish. yeah, he was kind. yeah, i’d not have had him do anything else. but yeah, it’s time to practice sit-ups at home. no more of that.

finally, i am happy and proud that i continue to perfect Sam Jang, and that I got down a little “cha cha cha” foot switchee move between ahp chagi (left and right front kicks) that was part of our drill today.

it’s good to push through these resistances. i’m happy and proud of what i’m doing.