tangle

i could no longer disentangle myself
from the anger i came to attach
to each moment you were around me

how much was loathing for myself
for failing you so often
and how much was anger i had for you
for deciding to stay each time

you seem so good and kind
and were always revealing to me
how cruel and cold i can be
and i guess i hated you for that, too

none of it is fair
i don’t know what went wrong
and still i don’t feel right
removing myself from the cycle
as if my pain shouldn’t matter
as if enduring is better
as if it’s not eating my very throat away

there’s something about the way you fade
into the background
that makes me need to tear this house down
looking for you each day


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