ten thousand more

of course i’m angriest at
least understanding of
most baffled by
filled with sorrow by
and most hopeful for
myself

i say
how
did
you
get
here
again? 

in this place
where you dare ask no sympathy
where for years you don’t leave
because you know the pain you will cause
to others
and just thinking of laying that burden on them
fills you with loathing
and so it’s another night
and another morning
in
this place
where for years you dream of leaving
because of the pain you feel in staying
and you say
i began this
so now i must end it

but there is no end
you see.

only ten thousand more days
where you dread causing pain
and so take it within
deep within
into your pores
and your lungs
layered under your skin
wrapping around each bone
coursing through each vein
telling yourself
again
and again

i deserve this
i did this
i deserve this pain

and then?

ten thousand more days 
and maybe ten thousand more

you can’t be sure.

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You’re currently reading “ten thousand more,” an entry on house of nezua

Published:
09.15.08 / 12pm
Category:
poemas
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