2nd to the last day

tired. trying to get myself motivated to edit. this strange thought keeps occurring to me. the thought is ‘why am i doing this again?’ which is silly. i mean, i know why i’m doing it. i know why i agreed, i still feel grateful, i still feel excited that i have the opportunity. denver was one of the best experiences i’ve had in a long time. the circle of sanity and just a whole lot of fun and friendship and momentous intensity. discobama lounge, playing pool on the last night and our own little intimate watch party, first night at the hipster bar, the german bar and me, kai, and the spirit of hunter thompson, the hot tub/pool and just chilling in general. plus just being part of the whole thing. 

guess it’s just this being tired again that’s creeping up on me. and the tirednesss grows large and drowns out the rewards at moments and i realize i’m just spending money and not making any and going home to bills…and i say “why am i doing this again”?

which means i should stop writing and edit. or just go to bed. i guess that’s part of the dilemma. i’d like to go to bed at this point. but i purposely came back home to edit. however, a reader of UMX and resident of St. Paul was kind enough to swing by and take me out to (italian) dinner. which was deliciouso. however, a glass of pinot noir and a full belly of chicken parmesan and i’m ready to crash. hooboy. 

typing on my roommate’s (“hotelmate’s”?) laptop, so let me go. one more full day and then a plane. and then? some serious chillout.