lavender blood ladybug

  

fueltank5, originally uploaded by nezua.

back in the land of the living. yesterday was a total wash. completely out of it. like i said i was up at midnight, finally went to bed at about three or four the next day for a 3 hour nap. then was up til 12? midnight again. then slept til 7:30 this morning, which for me is late. real late. lazy day sort of time.

but it was not a lazy day. and i still have a few things i want to get done today before the week starts, the moving on to a new few projects.

i have so much energy in my body today, it’s hmmm distracting. i think i need to go outside, i think that is what my body is telling me. i spend so much time sitting at a computer this is nuts. never planned this. just art became digital…so much of it. not “art” itself, and not even my interests, this is just where opportunity clusters, got into making money online. and i like making money and making money from art. even the little bits i do.

miss my old art. miss moving my arm in big arcs miss standing into an easel, leaning into an easel, describing invisible lines to the horizon or to the cortex crux that only i can sense right there underneath the skin, winding around the nerves, electric exoskeleton fusing with wind vectors, fantasy ink, art is physical. i’ve shifted so much of it into tiny slices and digs, 28 bony platforms, boxing match in a 6X8 shape on my graphic tablet and of course in my eyes as always in my mind. i drew some crayon on luna’s easel the other day and was like ‘ahhhhhhh!” i forgot about those big swings you can do. its not so different than launching a kick out of the perfect pivot, smacking that porkchop pad SNAK and coming down on the balls of your feet, moving into your second kick already, perfectly on balance. you forget that groove on the computer. that dance you do with spirit and intent. you still have the mental and spiritual groove. but then a week or two leaning into a job and you end up with your feet and calves bouncing like mad, not being able to play any music except shit like ROMPE by daddy yankee and some techno junk, your body screaming for physical engagement and you dont give it, you’re still sitting still and making tiny movements of the hand so your body says FINE and turns you into gellyblob. i need to begin my dawn running again, that will probably solve this.

its not “old art.” anyway. that’s a ridiculous way to think about it. ah, i’d say “you know what i mean” but i’m still figuring out what i mean.

hey! is the portrayal of elves and faeries basically white supremacist messaging? wtf!

can you imagine how different this culture would be if not only the French were beaten back, but the Spaniards and Brits, too? can you imagine, even if we went on to be an immigrant nation, how different the mainstream would paint everything? if the mainstream were mostly indian and black* stories and icons?

(*mexico had slaves, too…treated in many ways better than the indigenous population by the conquerors, considered far more valuable and hard-working. and freed earlier than the USA’s slaves too. mixed with the indians in “New Spain” and thats where all these castes came from, the spanish and black mixing with indians…mestizo, mullato, criollo, zambo and so on.)

europeans created all the images of faeries and elves and fairy godmothers and christs and kings…and nowadays all the media-employed MSM folks in this euro-dominated nation see obama acting self-confident and powerful and cant figure out why it bothers them. gee whiz. i wonder. we’ve only grown up being told over and over and over that darker-hued people should be singing, serving, savage, or simple. i wonder why it gets under your skin to see a black man acting so out of his PLACE. oh no!!!! the storybooks lied.

back to work.