to lucha, with love

1. M 12.27.07 / 3pm

   i often get the sensation that i want to tear down every word i put online, or every word i have ever put online. do you ever wish you could go back to the days when there wasn’t one word written by you on the internets and avoid putting any up here? do you remember the first time you realized there were words of yours that were beyond your control to rescind? i do. it was disturbing. i didn’t know that the page in question would fade. six months seemed like forever back then, online-wise. but even that warning wasn’t enough. still i persisted. writing, writing, writing.

   *smirks* i feel like that every time i write. i try not to remember how long of a trail i’ve left through the internet. but i always come back and record something here. sometimes i don’t mind the idea that someone will find it; i’m not the person i was a minute ago. and if someone asks me why i was a different person before, i’m hoping i’ve learned enough that i can give them an answer. if i’m still that person, i can’t shy away from who i am that much.

   but god, it’s a terrifying process! the whole time. it’s like walking through the world with a confidence that makes you tremble and look over your shoulder to make sure your shadow’s still there.
2. nezua 12.27.07 / 3pm

   you put it well.
3. M 12.27.07 / 9pm

   i’m just glad we can write when we want and how we want for the most part. it’s a blessing in itself.
4. nezua 12.27.07 / 10pm

   agreed.
5. Tom 12.28.07 / 10am

   [I]s it me? or does each post want to be deleted shortly after being posted?

   I get that feeling a lot. Posts are like clingy children, always wanting something.

   Wait, did I just write something mean about kids? Did I write something negative about blogging?
6. mimi 12.29.07 / 10am

   I’m getting all modern for 2008. I went ahead and took up your invitation for an RSS feed. It’s a first, and though probably no big deal to you guys, I sort of feel all new Christmas toy about it.

   As for the “words being out there” thread, what can you do? The only alternative would be to act over-the-edge nervous and never put anything out there ever, for fear of later being labeled or misunderstood. Truth is we’re all fairly impermanent creatures here anyhow, and likely we’ve all said or done stupid things, as well as written them.

   Life goes on.

   And ditto to M. — write when we want, what we want, mostly. Very important stuff.
7. nezua 12.29.07 / 11am

   hey mimi! that is a huge deal! i can’t tell you how honored i am to be your first.

   i knew 2008 was going to be one hell of a year.

   i guess another alternative to putting it all out there is to be very pithy. and withhold a lot of revealing or intimate stuff. but you are right. which is why i keep doing what i do. it feels truthful. and i’m willing to be very imperfect, so i dont mind.

   but sometimes that urge comes. and it always comes back. TEAR IT ALL DOWN, AS IT STANDS IT IS A LIE it says. so i sigh and smile and agree. and keep moving.

   great to see you here!
8. nezua 01.25.08 / 6pm

   Tom, I’m thinking it over and I think I’ve come to the conclusion that you are one funny fucker!

de

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